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I've Turned a Gay Man Straight

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1 I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Thu Oct 18 2018, 21:28

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
When I sent Cecil packing I vowed I was off men forever. They are all a complete waste of time in the love department.

So I was pleased when I met Jarvis at the gym, a homosexual man from Preston. A nice guy, someone to hang out with without the fear of him touching me up when I'm gobbling on a Twirl. He's told me all about his past lovers (12 men, 1 transvestite, and 1 horse when he got drunk at university) and what he likes to do in the bedroom (he sounds like KP's type).

But last night he suddenly declares that I am the most beautiful creature he has ever seen and wants to make love to me. He wanted to take my decade old virginity.

I was a bit taken aback, I almost chocked on my Twirl. I'm bloody cursed, everyone wants to have sex with me, even bloody gay blokes. Why am I so irresistible?

What do I do? Jarvis is a good looking bloke but way too camp for my liking. But I don't want to lose a good friend, particularly one who always arrives at my door with a bottle of Pepsi and a Twirl (full size).

2 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Thu Oct 18 2018, 21:52

DEANO82

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Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
If he called you a creature maybe he is thinking of going back to his horse riding days.

3 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Thu Oct 18 2018, 22:08

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I was thinking more along the lines of that if he liked animals then he might have thought you were a frog?

4 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 07:55

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Once again a serious thread asking for advice is turned into a topic about sex with animals.

5 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 08:46

Norpig

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
He either needs an eye test or his anti-psychotic meds dose needs upping i think.

Just go for it but if he asks you to stop shaving various areas then you may need a re-think.

6 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 09:07

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I agree, Nat's hairy rug back is a real turn off.

7 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 09:24

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Norpig wrote:He either needs an eye test or his anti-psychotic meds dose needs upping i think.

Just go for it but if he asks you to stop shaving various areas then you may need a re-think.

You massive gobshite, you're clearly jealous of my ability to turn gay men straight, when you can only turn straight women gay.

8 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 09:27

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I'm beginning to wonder if Jarvis is the one who has been posting you gifts through the letter box?

9 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 10:02

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@karlypants wrote:I'm beginning to wonder if Jarvis is the one who has been posting you gifts through the letter box?

That was Clive. He's received a police caution for stuffing dead animals into my box.

10 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 11:54

wanderlust

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
The bloke clearly has an equine fantasy going on - whether it's for blokes hung like them or women that look like them. When he starts calling you "My Little Pony" and offering to brush your hair you'll know he's about to whip his riding crop out. Stock up on Sudocrem for the welts.

11 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 12:22

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I'm sure you've all done something you regret when you were drunk, he assures me the horse was a one off.

12 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 12:25

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@wanderlust wrote:The bloke clearly has an equine fantasy going on - whether it's for blokes hung like them or women that look like them. When he starts calling you "My Little Pony" and offering to brush your hair you'll know he's about to whip his riding crop out. Stock up on Sudocrem for the welts.

:rofl:

13 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 14:56

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Did you know Nat owned a horse once? She called it 'My Face'.

She had to get rid of it after an embarrassing incident at Haydock Park. Her horse was running in the 5.15, and jumping up and down in the main stand shouting 'come on My Face', was not the wisest thing to do.

She managed to keep it out of the papers, but her coat was ruined.

14 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 16:12

Cajunboy

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
@Natasha Whittam wrote:When I sent Cecil packing I vowed I was off men forever. They are all a complete waste of time in the love department.

So I was pleased when I met Jarvis at the gym, a homosexual man from Preston. A nice guy, someone to hang out with without the fear of him touching me up when I'm gobbling on a Twirl. He's told me all about his past lovers (12 men, 1 transvestite, and 1 horse when he got drunk at university) and what he likes to do in the bedroom (he sounds like KP's type).

But last night he suddenly declares that I am the most beautiful creature he has ever seen and wants to make love to me. He wanted to take my decade old virginity.

I was a bit taken aback, I almost chocked on my Twirl. I'm bloody cursed, everyone wants to have sex with me, even bloody gay blokes. Why am I so irresistible?

What do I do? Jarvis is a good looking bloke but way too camp for my liking. But I don't want to lose a good friend, particularly one who always arrives at my door with a bottle of Pepsi and a Twirl (full size).
Just say Neigh!  Neigh!

             Snort! Snort!

15 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 16:51

Cajunboy

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
Forget that, it might inflame him!

16 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 19:25

Leeds_Trotter

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
@Natasha Whittam wrote:He's told me all about his past lovers (12 men, 1 transvestite, and 1 horse when he got drunk at university) and what he likes to do in the bedroom (he sounds like KP's type)

He's already been with a transvestite, so you've hardly turned him.

17 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 19:26

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Well spotted LT! Very Happy

18 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 20:51

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Leeds_Trotter wrote:He's already been with a transvestite, so you've hardly turned him.

I don't get it.

19 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 21:23

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:
@Leeds_Trotter wrote:He's already been with a transvestite, so you've hardly turned him.

I don't get it.

You must have got it when he came round that time. Razz

20 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Fri Oct 19 2018, 21:26

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
You have a twisted mind. We just watch horse racing when he comes round.

21 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Sat Oct 20 2018, 01:01

wanderlust

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Has he casually dropped the words "Banbury" and "Cross" into the conversation yet?

22 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Tue Oct 23 2018, 21:41

Angry Dad

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
I reckon you could turn a straight man gay.

23 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Tue Oct 23 2018, 21:49

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Angry Dad wrote:I reckon you could turn a straight man gay.

:rofl:

24 Re: I've Turned a Gay Man Straight on Tue Oct 23 2018, 21:55

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
There's nothing funny about internet abuse KP.

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