I've just found £1.8 million under a bush......

.......well, actually, that's obviously a lie because I wouldn't be sat here typing, I'd be running round with a massive grin on my face.

But I have just been out walking the dog on the golf course near us and saw what looked like a tenner on the grass and it set me thinking about what you'd have to do if you found a shit load of buried cash. (The "tenner" turned out to be a discarded score card.)

You'd have to be a bit cute about it because anybody who buries £1.8 million under a tree is probably not the sort or person you'd want to cross and they'd, quite understandably, not be overly chuffed if you dug their loot up and buggered off with it.

And you couldn't very well pay it in the bank in one big lump could you?

"Hello, I'd like to deposit this sports bag full of cash into my current account please. Sorry about the soil and leaves."

That would arouse suspicion and would probably end up with a knock at the door from the Excise Man.

You couldn't even go out and buy that flash car you've always wanted (like that bastard Glos did) because car dealers are only allowed to take a certain amount of cash in any one transaction to stop money laundering.

So, apart from buying a few bottles of Champagne to celebrate with (quietly), what would you do.......?

I'd put it in the loft and eke it out very slowly.
I'm a simple man,as you've probably noticed,and my needs are few.
I'd buy a bigger telescope for a start,but I'd probably fritter a fair bit away on BWFC memorabilia.
I'd certainly have a party for friends and family. I'm sure I could find an over the hill entertainer for the night.

Do NOT Brucify this thread !

Breadman wrote:Do NOT Brucify this thread !    

I said 'over the hill'.
Couldn't be him.

I've just thought of something else:

You couldn't even stick in in your suitcase and take it to Geneva and open one of those "no questions asked" numbered accounts that the Nazis used during (and just after) the war because they'd x-ray your cases at Manchester Airport and would spot it and haul you in on some bloody terrorism charge.

This is harder than you'd think......

I found this last week. I'm using it to fund my habit.

Are you gonna come quietly. 'A mate of someone I know' indeed.
The game is up sunshine.

I was once in Walkden paying in some money at the bank. As I walked out the door the bloke in front of me dropped a roll of notes on the floor. I was just about to shout "oi, you just dropped a load of cash you bellend" when the guy scratched his bum crack right in front of me.

So I kept my mouth shut and fingers around the notes.

When I got back to the car there was £370 in used notes. I spent it on shoes.

Moral of this story? Never scratch your bum in public.

Poor old Bread.

I had an itchy arse!

You owe me £370, Whittam and no, I won't accept payment in pre-owned Louboutins.......

You could set up a dodgy cash business in every town - launderettes if you want a sense of irony.

Bread,you may find this of use.
http://www.amazon.com/Monkey-06017-Powder-Ounce-Calamine/dp/B001W4FKDU

boltonbonce wrote:Bread,you may find this of use.
http://www.amazon.com/Monkey-06017-Powder-Ounce-Calamine/dp/B001W4FKDU

How can I not buy some of that when this is the opening line of the fist product review on there?

"As a disabled equestrian who rides with a prosthetic leg, you should take it from me that this stuff really works."

Praise don't come any higher than that.......

wanderlust wrote:You could set up a dodgy cash business in every town - launderettes if you want a sense of irony.

That sounds like a lot of faffing about, if I'm honest because you'd need loads of them.

Have you no simpler ideas?

Send it to me Breaders, and I'll see if I can buy a Bentley, to go with my Jag. I picked it up yesterday, and fast ? Like shit off a shovel

Nice one, mate.

Enjoy.

Two big sheds and a sporty Jag - Does life get any better for a bloke?

Ya bastard........

Take out a loan at an institution which is a little bit less than the amount you found then pay it back from your salary and substitute the dosh from your salary from your new found riches. Legitimate reason for having this money (loan), legitimate source for the repayment (salary). The interest you will pay is a small fee for being able to enjoy the bulk of your new found riches.

Can I borrow £1.7 million off you please, Keegs?

I tried the Nat West Bank but they thought I was taking the piss and hung up on me.....

Okay, sure. Send me your account number and the appropriate passkeys and I'll deposit it.