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The game kicks off and almost immediately it becomes clear to the blue and white dingles that all is not quite as well as they hoped when Bolton have an early chance that strikes the post. Comments below come from BRFCC.com with a little Nat-style editing from me to reflect the true nature of what our neighbours thought of the game.
DE thinks the Rovers back line must have joined the Navy when he wasn't looking
DE: Holy @#/?. Amazing that they haven't scored there, our defence all at sea.
SoldierMo declares a missing man alert
SoldierMo: Where the hell is that bu*@ing Bas^$rd henley on that right side
Ottoman feels relieved and wipes sweat from his brow:
Olsson clears off the line! Thank f&*k he was there 'cos everyone else was having a wa^k! Including me! Phew!!!
20 minutes into the game Gavlarrover is less than impressed with his heroes:
Bloody terrible so far. No outlet up top and they're winning every second ball. Guthrie and Akpan couldn't pass wind either. If this s&^t carries on we're gonna be bu**-F*~@ed by these tossers again!
SoldierMo shares his opinion of at least one of them:
guthrie looking soo off the pace. My sh1t runs faster than that donkey brained Fork-wit even when I haven't had a curry!
Bubblerovers sounds like one of ours when he says:
Stop giving the F*&^ing ball away you stupid cnuts!
Adoptedscouser is unhappy with Rovers and says
We should be losing. Thank f&%$ that a**hole Madine and that wa^&%r Clough can't shoot. If Lambert doesn't sort this out for the second half I'm gonna lift my patio and start digging a big f*%^ing hole that'll fit the lot of those stupid overpaid w*$%shafts!
Donnermeat is clearly impressed by Hanley's "gifts
Looks like Hanley got something on the Clough shot to me. Must be his d1ck 'cos that's all he's shown today.
We're still only thirty minutes in when SpeedieDived tells us:
Akpan and Koita are not of the required level with the ball. Don't even start me on that handball from Akpan, was a pen(is) but thankfully the ref is a blind pr1ck who got his outfit as an xmas pressie from his mum.
Adoptedscouser is back from his "gardening" and says:
Definitely handball and we got away with it. Need all the luck we can get playing like this. PS anyone got a JCB I can borrow for about half an hour? I think the hole needs to be a bit deeper if I'm going to fit all this sh1t in it. There's room for Lambert too so he'd better get the 2nd half right unless he wants to try breathing clay!
SimonGarners194 joins the chat with this little snippet:
We are all over the place here...too much Sherry trifle our lot? I wish I was p1ssed 'cos watching this lot sober is total f*':ing torture!
Is Tom M talking about football or does he need to call the RAC?
Painful how slow physically and mentally the likes of Marshall and Guthrie are its just breaking down when it goes near them. Look like they're out of gas the miserable bloody p1llocks!
At half time DE asks a question:
Why do we keep @#/? handballing it? Do they think we're playing volleyball or are they always this f%@;ing stupid? Even this blind wa22ock is going to spot one sooner or later and then we'll really be f*;ked.
It seems Deryck Guyler owns some very intelligent cutlery because his spoon has it's own posting id and offers its own assessment of the size of the task facing Mr Lambert:
Deryck Guyler's Spoon: What a massive task PL has with this shower. Bloody hell, even Conway is crap today!
We're into the 2nd half and it seems the blue and white chatbox crowd are even less impressed than they were earlier starting with this gently spoken opinion from DE:
Two of our players just ran into each other whilst we were in possession of the ball. Incredible. They must have been reading Playboy at half-time, it's made those wa:*ers as blind as the ref!
Tom M thinks Mr Conway may have a hidden secret:
Disgraceful by Conway. Koita puts him in on the edge of the box then he miscontrols it then puts in a woeful cross(dress) with 4 in the box the c0ck-sucking cnut!
AllRoverAsia feels he might have chosen the wrong career path:
I have played for better Sunday Pubs teams than this f@king pile of hot, steaming dogsh1t! Never seen such a load of crap wa@kers in our shirt! F'ck them all off to Burnley where they belong the useless tosspots!
DE is speechless as yet another pass goes astray:
I don't know what to say. It's like watching an amateur team. We can't even get the weight of our passes correct. Are these mother-humpers even trying?
Mr Guyler's intelligent cutlery pipes up again and asks:
Is Hope Akpan even related to a footballer or was his dad a randy goat that got shagged by a rabbit?
SpeedieDived has this to say about Koita's off the ball play:
I thought Koitas run at Preston was bad, that was even worse then. I've had better looking and faster moving diarrhoea than this a**hole.
Bundesburn has a suggestion as to why Rhodes hasn't bagged a hat trick:
Rhodes'll be off in January, with good reason. No service, nobody even looking for him. Useless cnuts have cost him a dozen goals this season and if those tw@ts could pass it straight he'd have a hat trick against the Bolton w@;kers today alone! They should all be fined 2 weeks wages 'cos they're useless f@*king fannies!
DE is sure that his team must be made up of entirely new players when he says:
Those pr1cks in midfield and attack look like a group of players from the non leagues who have never played together before. If I was Lambert I'd be livid with their "contribution" so far, which amounts primarily to giving possession away, being second best to every challenge in the air and miscontrolling the ball. Get rid in January, shift the lot of those useless f@ckers out and get the kids in! They can't do any worse than this pile of dogsh1t pretending to be footballers!
GavlarSomersetRover is starting to feel despair:
Are we ever going to test the opposition GK? Did our best not to do it last game and are giving it a 'right good go' this time out. Delfy coming on over Lawrence. Jesus wept. I get the feeling that it's just never going to work for Koita in a Rovers shirt.
Ottoman has something good to say about the ref that might explain a few of the 1st half decisions :
Mark Davies booked for diving and rightly so! Fooking cheat, good job ref, with this and the "penalty" shout those bolton sc*m had in the first half you've earned what I left in that big brown envelope in the dressing room for you.
However it's not much longer before he changes his mind:
You stupid f@;king bas3ard! The most blatant penalty you will ever see and you don't give it you tw@t! I want my money back! Fork me, I can't believe you'd take all the money in my piggy bank and not see that! Come on you sh1theel, I want my 57p back you robbing c*7t!
Things calm down a little and a few minutes later DE sees reason for hope:
Bolton are starting to look tired. We can win this now 'cos their legs are as dead as their club so even that useless Fooker Conway should be able to get a cross onto Rhode's head! God knows it's a big enough target!
TardyRover is late to join the conversation but echoes DE's sentiment
Let's hope they start to tire 'cos we're screwed if they don't. That carthorse Marshall and the Donkey Conway couldn't outrun my gran and she's been dead for twenty years.
GavlarSomerset returns in irritation but finds something to cheer about because after all it's the small things that make Dingles happy:
Why are we launching it up the pitch when we have Rhodes and Delf up there? Just so frustrating. Shot on target though wahoooooo!
Tom M thinks Rhodes might not be all that after all:
Turns out Delfounso is our best striker, better than that overblown toss3r Rhodes.
The talking spoon owned by Deryck has a suggestion to explain why David Moyes chose to attend the match:
Looks like his Mrs is hogging the tv and 'X Factor' is on. Maybe he's on a promise if he got out of the way and let her watch it in peace 'cos I can't believe anyone would turn up for this sheet unless they were on for a fock when they got home. Difference is we're getting focked every match, up the junction by these useless pr1cks.
Lambert makes a substitution and Pedro thinks he knows why:
Rhodes jerking off thinking about shoving it in his own turdpot again. It's the only way that tw@t can score these days.
Madine scores and immediately the Rovers fans begin a refrain familiar to every nutter who ever read chatbox when we're losing with GavlarSomerset kicking things off.
1-0 FFS. Terrible, terrible performance and got what we deserved. PL has some explaining to do after today.
SimonGarners194 is clearly shocked and believes that the apocalypse has arrived:
OMG!!!!! 1-0 Bolton! We're f*"ked! We're finished! If we can't beat these barstools then we should shut the forking club once and for all!
Bundesburn must be watching a different match because he doesn't seem to know who scored:
Medine has been absolute garbage all day. That defending is woeful. Disgraceful performance.
TardyRover thinks the team may not have a forward gear:
Absolute rubbish! We are going backwards!!! Losing to Bolton, what a f*@king disgrace!
AdoptedScouser returns and it's clear he's even less impressed than he was earlier as he makes his sinister intentions even more apparent:
The hole's finished, just waiting for B and Q to deliver the new flagstones and water feature. Won't need a pipe from the tap with this shower of p1ssers under the fountain.
SoldierMo wants to add to the unemployment statistics but this time from Ewood Park:
And why the hell are we paying that useless wa@*ker doneil F*~:wit Henrys wages?
BlueMonday still has hope:
Games not over yet!
Otto man has a crisis and gives us too much information:
oooh that was so close! Came off the bloody post!
OJRovers gives me a mental image I'd rather have missed:
OG coming close again. Wish Jordan had been there to ram it in.
The final whistle goes and dejected Rovers fans begin their post mortem
Tom M believes Lambert needs to polish a turd like they did on Mythbusters:
Gutted about this we just look like a team full of losers. The manager has a real job on to make this shower of sh1t shine.
Donnermeat believes the transfer window can't come soon enough.
Hopefully Lambert can get some loan players in January to play the way he wants because these wonkers couldn't play football on my xbox let alone on a pitch to save their useless f*uckin' miserable cantin' lives!
Reidyyou'reastar wants to see an exodus and blames Gary Bowyer for Rover's fortunes:
GB's legacy laid bare. Lambert has some task to turn this lot into playoff contenders.On this showing, Marshall, Guthrie, Akpan, Koite and Henley can all go. Rhodes done nothing, but with a gash midfield supplying you, there's not much you can do. All of them are cints, overpaid wunkers and total fecking sheet.
Tom M seems to be in two minds about Lambert's substitution policy or perhaps he was watching some gay porn at the same time as the match:
Again for me Rhodes deserved to come off that's not to say it wasn't a poor decision to bring him off.
Adopted Scouser seems calmer when he says:
Can't even win with the ref on our side. Wondering if burying these twerps would help 'cos they say sh1t always floats to the top and this lot are made of nothing else. Maybe we should bury them under the Venky's office, it might make them feck off and sell to someone who gives a sh1t.
Gavlar makes his opinion heard in a succinct manner:
Didn't play until the 85th minute. Absolutely bloody pathetic and PL shouldn't be exempted from criticism either, along with the players who are a gutless bunch of absolute morons.
Tango chips in with this damning comment:
One of the worst performances since Kean's tenure. Lambert needs to be hung by the ankles from a lamppost and shot but if you give the gun to any of our lot they'd fecking miss if they had the barrel in his ear. God I miss Big Sam, that was a proper fecking manager. Venky's out!
The world's brightest spoon offers its opinion on behalf of Mr Guyler:
Hyperbole is a tiresome element of fandom theses days. It is however, fair to say that that performance was a ****ing disgrace, the worst in the history of football anywhere in the entire universe at any time. In fact it was even worse than that. Lambert out and take that shower of sh1t you picked today with you.
Anyway, this now concludes the BEL and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Nat, you really are much better than I am at these things so I hope you'll relent and do one the next time we win, hopefully on Saturday. Until then and in case I don't get to speak to you all later have a great New Year's Eve and here's to hoping for a better 2016 for the Trotters.
DE thinks the Rovers back line must have joined the Navy when he wasn't looking
DE: Holy @#/?. Amazing that they haven't scored there, our defence all at sea.
SoldierMo declares a missing man alert
SoldierMo: Where the hell is that bu*@ing Bas^$rd henley on that right side
Ottoman feels relieved and wipes sweat from his brow:
Olsson clears off the line! Thank f&*k he was there 'cos everyone else was having a wa^k! Including me! Phew!!!
20 minutes into the game Gavlarrover is less than impressed with his heroes:
Bloody terrible so far. No outlet up top and they're winning every second ball. Guthrie and Akpan couldn't pass wind either. If this s&^t carries on we're gonna be bu**-F*~@ed by these tossers again!
SoldierMo shares his opinion of at least one of them:
guthrie looking soo off the pace. My sh1t runs faster than that donkey brained Fork-wit even when I haven't had a curry!
Bubblerovers sounds like one of ours when he says:
Stop giving the F*&^ing ball away you stupid cnuts!
Adoptedscouser is unhappy with Rovers and says
We should be losing. Thank f&%$ that a**hole Madine and that wa^&%r Clough can't shoot. If Lambert doesn't sort this out for the second half I'm gonna lift my patio and start digging a big f*%^ing hole that'll fit the lot of those stupid overpaid w*$%shafts!
Donnermeat is clearly impressed by Hanley's "gifts
Looks like Hanley got something on the Clough shot to me. Must be his d1ck 'cos that's all he's shown today.
We're still only thirty minutes in when SpeedieDived tells us:
Akpan and Koita are not of the required level with the ball. Don't even start me on that handball from Akpan, was a pen(is) but thankfully the ref is a blind pr1ck who got his outfit as an xmas pressie from his mum.
Adoptedscouser is back from his "gardening" and says:
Definitely handball and we got away with it. Need all the luck we can get playing like this. PS anyone got a JCB I can borrow for about half an hour? I think the hole needs to be a bit deeper if I'm going to fit all this sh1t in it. There's room for Lambert too so he'd better get the 2nd half right unless he wants to try breathing clay!
SimonGarners194 joins the chat with this little snippet:
We are all over the place here...too much Sherry trifle our lot? I wish I was p1ssed 'cos watching this lot sober is total f*':ing torture!
Is Tom M talking about football or does he need to call the RAC?
Painful how slow physically and mentally the likes of Marshall and Guthrie are its just breaking down when it goes near them. Look like they're out of gas the miserable bloody p1llocks!
At half time DE asks a question:
Why do we keep @#/? handballing it? Do they think we're playing volleyball or are they always this f%@;ing stupid? Even this blind wa22ock is going to spot one sooner or later and then we'll really be f*;ked.
It seems Deryck Guyler owns some very intelligent cutlery because his spoon has it's own posting id and offers its own assessment of the size of the task facing Mr Lambert:
Deryck Guyler's Spoon: What a massive task PL has with this shower. Bloody hell, even Conway is crap today!
We're into the 2nd half and it seems the blue and white chatbox crowd are even less impressed than they were earlier starting with this gently spoken opinion from DE:
Two of our players just ran into each other whilst we were in possession of the ball. Incredible. They must have been reading Playboy at half-time, it's made those wa:*ers as blind as the ref!
Tom M thinks Mr Conway may have a hidden secret:
Disgraceful by Conway. Koita puts him in on the edge of the box then he miscontrols it then puts in a woeful cross(dress) with 4 in the box the c0ck-sucking cnut!
AllRoverAsia feels he might have chosen the wrong career path:
I have played for better Sunday Pubs teams than this f@king pile of hot, steaming dogsh1t! Never seen such a load of crap wa@kers in our shirt! F'ck them all off to Burnley where they belong the useless tosspots!
DE is speechless as yet another pass goes astray:
I don't know what to say. It's like watching an amateur team. We can't even get the weight of our passes correct. Are these mother-humpers even trying?
Mr Guyler's intelligent cutlery pipes up again and asks:
Is Hope Akpan even related to a footballer or was his dad a randy goat that got shagged by a rabbit?
SpeedieDived has this to say about Koita's off the ball play:
I thought Koitas run at Preston was bad, that was even worse then. I've had better looking and faster moving diarrhoea than this a**hole.
Bundesburn has a suggestion as to why Rhodes hasn't bagged a hat trick:
Rhodes'll be off in January, with good reason. No service, nobody even looking for him. Useless cnuts have cost him a dozen goals this season and if those tw@ts could pass it straight he'd have a hat trick against the Bolton w@;kers today alone! They should all be fined 2 weeks wages 'cos they're useless f@*king fannies!
DE is sure that his team must be made up of entirely new players when he says:
Those pr1cks in midfield and attack look like a group of players from the non leagues who have never played together before. If I was Lambert I'd be livid with their "contribution" so far, which amounts primarily to giving possession away, being second best to every challenge in the air and miscontrolling the ball. Get rid in January, shift the lot of those useless f@ckers out and get the kids in! They can't do any worse than this pile of dogsh1t pretending to be footballers!
GavlarSomersetRover is starting to feel despair:
Are we ever going to test the opposition GK? Did our best not to do it last game and are giving it a 'right good go' this time out. Delfy coming on over Lawrence. Jesus wept. I get the feeling that it's just never going to work for Koita in a Rovers shirt.
Ottoman has something good to say about the ref that might explain a few of the 1st half decisions :
Mark Davies booked for diving and rightly so! Fooking cheat, good job ref, with this and the "penalty" shout those bolton sc*m had in the first half you've earned what I left in that big brown envelope in the dressing room for you.
However it's not much longer before he changes his mind:
You stupid f@;king bas3ard! The most blatant penalty you will ever see and you don't give it you tw@t! I want my money back! Fork me, I can't believe you'd take all the money in my piggy bank and not see that! Come on you sh1theel, I want my 57p back you robbing c*7t!
Things calm down a little and a few minutes later DE sees reason for hope:
Bolton are starting to look tired. We can win this now 'cos their legs are as dead as their club so even that useless Fooker Conway should be able to get a cross onto Rhode's head! God knows it's a big enough target!
TardyRover is late to join the conversation but echoes DE's sentiment
Let's hope they start to tire 'cos we're screwed if they don't. That carthorse Marshall and the Donkey Conway couldn't outrun my gran and she's been dead for twenty years.
GavlarSomerset returns in irritation but finds something to cheer about because after all it's the small things that make Dingles happy:
Why are we launching it up the pitch when we have Rhodes and Delf up there? Just so frustrating. Shot on target though wahoooooo!
Tom M thinks Rhodes might not be all that after all:
Turns out Delfounso is our best striker, better than that overblown toss3r Rhodes.
The talking spoon owned by Deryck has a suggestion to explain why David Moyes chose to attend the match:
Looks like his Mrs is hogging the tv and 'X Factor' is on. Maybe he's on a promise if he got out of the way and let her watch it in peace 'cos I can't believe anyone would turn up for this sheet unless they were on for a fock when they got home. Difference is we're getting focked every match, up the junction by these useless pr1cks.
Lambert makes a substitution and Pedro thinks he knows why:
Rhodes jerking off thinking about shoving it in his own turdpot again. It's the only way that tw@t can score these days.
Madine scores and immediately the Rovers fans begin a refrain familiar to every nutter who ever read chatbox when we're losing with GavlarSomerset kicking things off.
1-0 FFS. Terrible, terrible performance and got what we deserved. PL has some explaining to do after today.
SimonGarners194 is clearly shocked and believes that the apocalypse has arrived:
OMG!!!!! 1-0 Bolton! We're f*"ked! We're finished! If we can't beat these barstools then we should shut the forking club once and for all!
Bundesburn must be watching a different match because he doesn't seem to know who scored:
Medine has been absolute garbage all day. That defending is woeful. Disgraceful performance.
TardyRover thinks the team may not have a forward gear:
Absolute rubbish! We are going backwards!!! Losing to Bolton, what a f*@king disgrace!
AdoptedScouser returns and it's clear he's even less impressed than he was earlier as he makes his sinister intentions even more apparent:
The hole's finished, just waiting for B and Q to deliver the new flagstones and water feature. Won't need a pipe from the tap with this shower of p1ssers under the fountain.
SoldierMo wants to add to the unemployment statistics but this time from Ewood Park:
And why the hell are we paying that useless wa@*ker doneil F*~:wit Henrys wages?
BlueMonday still has hope:
Games not over yet!
Otto man has a crisis and gives us too much information:
oooh that was so close! Came off the bloody post!
OJRovers gives me a mental image I'd rather have missed:
OG coming close again. Wish Jordan had been there to ram it in.
The final whistle goes and dejected Rovers fans begin their post mortem
Tom M believes Lambert needs to polish a turd like they did on Mythbusters:
Gutted about this we just look like a team full of losers. The manager has a real job on to make this shower of sh1t shine.
Donnermeat believes the transfer window can't come soon enough.
Hopefully Lambert can get some loan players in January to play the way he wants because these wonkers couldn't play football on my xbox let alone on a pitch to save their useless f*uckin' miserable cantin' lives!
Reidyyou'reastar wants to see an exodus and blames Gary Bowyer for Rover's fortunes:
GB's legacy laid bare. Lambert has some task to turn this lot into playoff contenders.On this showing, Marshall, Guthrie, Akpan, Koite and Henley can all go. Rhodes done nothing, but with a gash midfield supplying you, there's not much you can do. All of them are cints, overpaid wunkers and total fecking sheet.
Tom M seems to be in two minds about Lambert's substitution policy or perhaps he was watching some gay porn at the same time as the match:
Again for me Rhodes deserved to come off that's not to say it wasn't a poor decision to bring him off.
Adopted Scouser seems calmer when he says:
Can't even win with the ref on our side. Wondering if burying these twerps would help 'cos they say sh1t always floats to the top and this lot are made of nothing else. Maybe we should bury them under the Venky's office, it might make them feck off and sell to someone who gives a sh1t.
Gavlar makes his opinion heard in a succinct manner:
Didn't play until the 85th minute. Absolutely bloody pathetic and PL shouldn't be exempted from criticism either, along with the players who are a gutless bunch of absolute morons.
Tango chips in with this damning comment:
One of the worst performances since Kean's tenure. Lambert needs to be hung by the ankles from a lamppost and shot but if you give the gun to any of our lot they'd fecking miss if they had the barrel in his ear. God I miss Big Sam, that was a proper fecking manager. Venky's out!
The world's brightest spoon offers its opinion on behalf of Mr Guyler:
Hyperbole is a tiresome element of fandom theses days. It is however, fair to say that that performance was a ****ing disgrace, the worst in the history of football anywhere in the entire universe at any time. In fact it was even worse than that. Lambert out and take that shower of sh1t you picked today with you.
Anyway, this now concludes the BEL and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Nat, you really are much better than I am at these things so I hope you'll relent and do one the next time we win, hopefully on Saturday. Until then and in case I don't get to speak to you all later have a great New Year's Eve and here's to hoping for a better 2016 for the Trotters.
Last edited by luckyPeterpiper on Fri 1 Jan - 12:29; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Clearing up a cock up in the hope no one notices I sneaked back in and edited it. Oops. Too late. ;))
