Cecil has been nagging me to have his child, but I'm not convinced this body was designed to carry a baby. I don't have the hips for it. Plus, it all looks a bit bloody painful.
Anyway, the final straw came when he got into bed last night with a ribbon tied round his todger, and begged me to let him impregnate me. A romantic gesture, but ultimately there is no future.
He left this morning with his toothbrush, his dildo collection, and six tins of spam.
I expect you bunch of gobshites to show some respect, Cecil was a decent man, I just couldn't give him what he wanted.
I'll miss you Cecil. Your gentle ways, your kindness, and your 10 inch knob.