Where are the plaudits, declarations of love, and gratitude for making your lives better?
You bunch of insensitive wankers. Where's my gold clock, key to the city etc?
Are they bringing back 'This Is Your Life' just for me? I was expecting to meet some old friends tonight like stinkythefrog (my first internet romance), Paulo Duarte (my first marriage proposal), Billy Bradshaw (the first person to ban me), and Largehat, Scott, Magoo, Boggers etc. I'm all done up in case you've sent a Limo to take me to the TV studio.
This is my 30,000th post. Fuck me, I've written 30,000 messages in almost 7 years. That's about 4,300 messages a year, or 355 messages a month, or 12 posts a day.
Including the Behind Enemy Lines posts I've done I'm guessing the average time I spend writing a message is about 2 minutes. That means I've wasted about 42 days of my life writing messages for you twats. 42 fucking days!
I can't fucking believe it! 42 days when I could have been earning another 'Preston Businesswoman of the Year' title, modelled on a New York catwalk, or sleeping with footballers or pop stars.
You absolute bastards, you've wasted my life!