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Bolton Nuts » BWFC » Bolton Wanderers Banter » The Future Is Bright, The Future Is Slags

The Future Is Bright, The Future Is Slags

+8
wanderlust
Spirit of 58
rammywhite
Lyric Todkill
summercummings
NickFazer
Biggie
Natasha Whittam
12 posters

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Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Reading that Dougie Freedman has basically said our whole academy system is shite, coupled with the fact we haven't brought any kids through in the last 20 years I got to thinking how BWFC could put this right. How can they ensure a long term future without having to spend millions on donkeys like Ngog.

I now have the answer. It's a little controversial but I have no doubt it would work.

Let's face it, Bolton is awash with teenage slags who open their legs at the drop of a hat. A good number of them end up pregnant with nowhere to go. Most end up in some crappy bedsit with mould growing up the walls.

So here's the answer. Bolton Wanderers should actively seek out these pregnant slags and sign them up. Well, not the slags, but their unborn babies. BWFC agree to put them up in a fancy hotel for nine months, everything paid for including a chav allowance.

When the baby is born it is signed over to Dougie Freedman and BWFC. They basically become it's new parent. As soon as that baby can sit up it starts to learn the art of football. It spends 12 hours every day learning about football. It sleeps the other 12.

By the time it is 4 years old it has better ball control than Ngog and three times the pace of Kevin Davies. By the time it is 8 it is better than Ronaldo was at 14.

Times this by 20 or 30 and you have a whole squad of robot-like kids that know nothing but football. By the time they are 16-18 they are ready for the first team and all of a sudden we have a first team of world beaters that have cost nothing more than a few rusks and nappies.

I've had a good think and I can't really see a downside to this.

Biggie

Biggie
Admin

It works at United.

http://boltonnuts.forumotion.co.uk

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

United haven't taken it far enough. These kids need to live at The Reebok and not have contact with anyone but Dougie & Lennie.

NickFazer

NickFazer
El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf

Plus there is already a hotel on site. Brilliant

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

NickFazer wrote:Plus there is already a hotel on site. Brilliant

Exactly, I really don't see how this can fail. The biggest problem will be fighting the slags off.

summercummings


Nicky Hunt
Nicky Hunt

I can see this working. Brainwashing is definitely underrated.

Guest


Guest

yeah, i could see myself signing up for this. what girl doesn't want her kid to sign for bolton?

Lyric Todkill

Lyric Todkill
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

Lennie might not be around long enough to see the fruits of someone's loins

rammywhite

rammywhite
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Lyric Todkill wrote:Lennie might not be around long enough to see the fruits of someone's loins
Lennie the Loin.
That sounds familiar

Spirit of 58


David Lee
David Lee

rammywhite wrote:
Lyric Todkill wrote:Lennie might not be around long enough to see the fruits of someone's loins
Lennie the Loin.
That sounds familiar

Rammy, nothing to do with Lennie the Lion but how's your recovery coming along ?

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

The Boys from Daubhill doesn't have the same ring to it so perhaps we could bus the slags out to Brazil to get them knocked up, or open a stud farm for retired world class footballers to ensure we have a decent chance of getting the right genetic material.

I'm sure Frank Worthington would be happy to service a few despite his advancing years.

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

wanderlust wrote:The Boys from Daubhill doesn't have the same ring to it so perhaps we could bus the slags out to Brazil to get them knocked up, or open a stud farm for retired world class footballers to ensure we have a decent chance of getting the right genetic material.

I'm sure Frank Worthington would be happy to service a few despite his advancing years.

So you admit this is a genius idea?

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Natasha Whittam wrote:
wanderlust wrote:The Boys from Daubhill doesn't have the same ring to it so perhaps we could bus the slags out to Brazil to get them knocked up, or open a stud farm for retired world class footballers to ensure we have a decent chance of getting the right genetic material.

I'm sure Frank Worthington would be happy to service a few despite his advancing years.

So you admit this is a genius idea?

Admit? Strange choice of wording. I agree the basic concept has some merit but requires further development in order to ensure we are not breeding a team of Nicky Hunts (apologies for talking cockney there)

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

Nat, a little bit of polish on this, and I think you're on to a winner Smile

rammywhite

rammywhite
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Spirit of 58 wrote:
rammywhite wrote:
Lyric Todkill wrote:Lennie might not be around long enough to see the fruits of someone's loins
Lennie the Loin.
That sounds familiar

Rammy, nothing to do with Lennie the Lion but how's your recovery coming along ?
Slowly- it was more complicated than expected- so I'm signed off until the end of January. But I've not missed a home match since. I think that's whats making recovery so slow!!
Thanks though for asking- much appreciated

Keegan

Keegan
Moderator
Moderator

What the hell... slags for everybody! :nuts:

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

Leeds_Trotter


El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf

You'd be the first one signed up Natasha.

chipbutty

chipbutty
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka

The basic idea is not revolutionary. I think something similar was actually carried out by Herr Hitler in Germany in the 1930s but as far as I know the participants had (for some reason) to have blue eyes and blond hair.

Anyway back in Bolton, the young ladies involved should I think be required to sprint 100meters in 10point something seconds depending on the wind direction before being invited to take part.

But, and it's a big but, supposing the parents of these young ladies read the Mail or the Telegraph or the Express, what then. Will their parents refuse to allow their daring daughter to take part in this social engineering experiment or am I just naive and foolish for thinking that the children of people who read the Mail would 'Get their knickers off' without being formally introduced.

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