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Joke Thread

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1081 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Oct 30 2018, 17:32

y2johnny


Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
I picked up a hitchhiker last night.  He was grateful but said how did I not know he was a serial killer?  So i said the chances of their being two in one car are astronomical.

1082 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Oct 30 2018, 17:48

xmiles

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
Laughing

1083 Re: Joke Thread on Sun Dec 02 2018, 12:38

DEANO82

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Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Just downloaded the Queen film Bohemian Rhapsody. Wasn't the best copy, it looked like it had been filmed in a cinema because I see a little silhouette of a man.

1084 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:18

MartinBWFC

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Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
A mate of mine has got his kids a trampoline and two bikes off the internet, I asked him which site he used, google earth he said

1085 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:43

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I don't get it.

1086 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:45

karlypants

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:I don't get it.

Me too. :biggrin:

1087 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:46

wanderlust

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bloke meets his mate in the pub and comments on how chipper he was looking today. 
“You look really well mate - had a good day?”
“Amazing mate” he replies. “Best day in years”
“How come?” Asks his pal.

“Well, I was walking the dog down by the railway line and I found this gorgeous woman tied to the tracks, so I untied her.”

“What happened then mate?” Asks his buddy.

“We made passionate love at the side of the railway all afternoon and in every conceivable position. It was the best sex I’ve ever had, just incredible”

“Wow mate - no wonder you look in such a good mood. Did you get a blow job as well then?”

“Naw pal” he says. “Never did find the head”

1088 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Jan 15 2019, 12:54

wanderlust

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Seeing as nobody seems to want to share anymore, here's an oldie..

It's Fred's anniversary and his missus says "tell you what - pick up your favourite food on your way home from work and I'll make us a lovely romantic dinner for two tonight"

"What, snails?" he says.
"yes darlin - get some snails on your way home and I'll be ready"

After work, Fred buys a bag of snails, and is on his way home when he runs into his mate George who asks him how it's going. 
"It's my anniversary mate, so the missus is going to cook us lovely romantic meal"

"Your anniversary? Well you've got to have a pint in the Dog and Duck with me to celebrate"
"I can't" says Fred - "I promised the missus"

"Go on - just the one" says George, and reluctantly, Fred agrees.

At half ten, Fred is at his front door, fumbling with his keys when the bottom drops out of the now soggy bag of snails and they all fall onto the doormat.
Just then the door swings open and his furious missus yells at him. 
"Where the f*** have you been? I've been waiting all night for you!"

Fred looks down at the snails on the doormat and says....




"Not far to go now lads..."

1089 Re: Joke Thread on Tue Jan 15 2019, 13:00

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Razz

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