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Joke Thread

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Bwfc1958
Pevensey Pete
Bollotom2014
Boggersbelief
boltonbonce
NickFazer
Soul Kitchen
karlypants
Culcheth_White
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Whatsupdoc
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doffcocker
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Natasha Whittam
Spillthebeans
trotter1948
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Quent
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Banks of the Croal
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Keegan
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Reebok Trotter
49 posters

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631Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Jun 12 2014, 18:26

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

I knew that was cumming !

632Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat Jun 14 2014, 19:14

Guest


Guest

I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday.

I said, "Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."

"Don't you mean history?" she replied.

I said, "Don't try to change the subject."

633Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat Jun 14 2014, 19:49

BoltonTillIDie

BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Smile

634Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat Jun 14 2014, 21:18

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

Big problems in the Irish men's synchronised swimming team, with Patrick and Sean fighting in public. Turns out, after investigation, it was because Patrick had accused Sean of copying him !

635Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 18 2014, 15:12

Guest


Guest

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and knickers. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

636Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 18 2014, 15:14

Guest


Guest

On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.

Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...

... and stuck my cock in her mouth

637Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 20 2014, 20:52

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and knickers. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

638Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 20 2014, 21:24

Guest


Guest

Reebok Trotter wrote:Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and knickers. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

 lol! (I found it funnier Wednesday  when I posted it though.)

639Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 20 2014, 21:30

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Joke Thread - Page 33 Sarcastic-laugh-smiley-emoticon

640Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 20 2014, 21:32

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

OneFinFreedman wrote:
Reebok Trotter wrote:Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and knickers. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

 lol! (I found it funnier Wednesday  when I posted it though.)

Sorry OneF, I had it sent me as an e-mail today and missed it on the joke thread!  Embarassed 

641Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Jun 26 2014, 23:50

doffcocker

doffcocker
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

It's nearly that time of year again.

Joke Thread - Page 33 Sorry-10

642Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 27 2014, 00:27

Banks of the Croal

Banks of the Croal
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Thought this was funny.

Next →



Post ID: 40890475

OFFER: ex wife

Location :cant disclose
Date : Thu 26 Jun 2014 18:39:01 UTC
Description
offer ex wife two owners full service history good runner body work neads attention neads oil change was long term prodgic but costing to mutch money will deliver no returns
You need to be logged in and a Member of this Group to reply to this Post
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643Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 27 2014, 00:32

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Banks of the Croal wrote:Thought this was funny.

Next →



Post ID: 40890475

OFFER: ex wife

Location :cant disclose
Date : Thu 26 Jun 2014 18:39:01 UTC
Description
offer ex wife two owners full service history good runner body work neads attention neads oil change was long term prodgic but costing to mutch money will deliver no returns
You need to be logged in and a Member of this Group to reply to this Post
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 Laughing

644Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Jul 29 2014, 13:51

Spillthebeans

Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka

An Englishman ,a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying: Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying: Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

645Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Jul 30 2014, 16:53

Guest


Guest

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I’m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that’s pretty crappy," he thought. "If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

646Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Jul 30 2014, 16:55

Guest


Guest

I turned to my wife last night and said, "I'm into anal".

She gave me a look of despair and glared at me as she said, "Animal".

I love it when we do the cryptic crossword together.

647Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Aug 08 2014, 22:39

Leeds_Trotter


El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf

Oscar Pistorious has sacked his defence team and hired Celtic's. Apparently u can lose both legs and still win.

648Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Aug 12 2014, 19:17

Guest


Guest

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool , Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'

649Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Aug 12 2014, 19:17

Guest


Guest

A husband and his blonde wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says,

"No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says,

"No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the blondie.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

She listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.

"That was great,"the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth please!

650Joke Thread - Page 33 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Sep 02 2014, 22:43

Spillthebeans

Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka

This young couple was about to get married and the night before their wedding day they had a talk. They decided that the one thing that they never wanted to have a problem with was initiating sex in their marriage. To solve that problem they decided to come up with a "code word" to ... help break the ice when asking for sex. While they were trying to think of a word the washing machine went off balance and the husband says, "I have an idea, why not use 'washing machine' as the code word?" So washing machine it was... A year passed by and one night they were lying in bed and she was reading and he was watching TV. The husband rolls over and says, "Honey, Washing machine?", and she replies, "Honey, not tonight, I've got a huge headache. I promise we'll do it tomorrow night!" So he say's, "Alright that's fine, We'll do it tomorrow." They roll to their respective side of the bed and go to sleep. However, the wife can't sleep because she's thinking, gosh we've only been married 1 year so we're still practically newlyweds maybe I should indulge him. She rolls over to her husband and whispers, "Honey, are you still awake??", He replies, "Yeah, what do you want?". She says, "Washing Machine?!?!?!?" "Forget about it. It was a small load, I did it by hand."

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