I've Joined A Dating Website

Be honest, you expected this topic to have been started by Hipster, Boggers or Doffcocker. But no, I, Natasha Whittam, have decided to take the plunge and join a dating website.

I'm tired of meeting footballers, Z-list celebs, millionaires and all the other wankers I've dated over the years. What I need is a real man. One who reads The Sun or The Mirror, can put up a bookshelf, and doesn't try and burn my genitalia off.

There appears to be lots of dating websites to choose from, but they all seem to want you to sell yourself in the form of an introduction. So I've had a go and I could do with your thoughts and constructive criticism:

Natasha wrote:Hot Businesswoman of the Year, 29, seeks real man for marriage, children and cuddles. I like Vimto, Twirls and Rob Earnshaw. You must be aged 28-45, own your own teeth, be able to do manly things like build and mend, although men with blow-torches will be ignored.

Do you think I'll find the future Mr Whittam?

I read the Mirror, I can put up a bookshelf, I wouldn't put a light to your vagina.

If only I were six years older.

doffcocker wrote:If only I were six years older.

And straight.

I really don't think this is a joking matter.

Anyway, I've posted the above introduction on a well known dating website with several photos of me with celebs.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I really don't think this is a joking matter.

Anyway, I've posted the above introduction on a well known dating website with several photos of me with celebs.

Post the link to your profile

Boggersbelief wrote:

Post the link to your profile

You're too young for me.

I can get you an introduction to Brucie if you'd lower your standards a little.
He's looking for a younger model since Mrs Brucie put her back out shifting the piano.

Is that you on the extreme left, Nat?

Breadman wrote:Is that you on the extreme left, Nat?

The one sat on the white block, you mean Breaders?

Is that the "undateables" one of those dudes used to get on my bus when I was at College.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Is that the "undateables" one of those dudes used to get on my bus when I was at College.

It's always about you isn't it.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Is that the "undateables" one of those dudes used to get on my bus when I was at College.

Was it a Sunshine bus?

I've long held my suspicions about you, Hipster.....

My first reply is in:

JasonBourney wrote:Hi SexyBusinessWoman69. My name is Jason and I am 32 years old. I love your profile, you look like my kind of woman! I'm into TV, films & fisting - what about you? Shout me back ASAP. Jase

You'd better hope that should've been "fishing" and he's a sloppy typist........

Ask him to send you a photo of his tackle to prove he's genuine.

Nat, Ffs are you into the same substances as 1874, or are you actually 1874?
Your fantasies are well beyond attainability, you must be on some sort of shit!!

Soul Kitchen wrote:Nat, Ffs are you into the same substances as 1874, or are you actually 1874?
Your fantasies are well beyond attainability, you must be on some sort of shit!!

Everyone deserves love SK, even Businesswomen of the Year.

Natasha Whittam wrote:My first reply is in:

JasonBourney wrote:Hi SexyBusinessWoman69. My name is Jason and I am 32 years old. I love your profile, you look like my kind of woman! I'm into TV, films & fisting - what about you? Shout me back ASAP. Jase

Jason "Trigger" McAteer by any chance?

bwfc71 wrote:

Jason "Trigger" McAteer by any chance?

Why do you say that, is he into fisting and films?

Nat, be careful - he sounds like a secret agent.