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Bolton Nuts » BWFC » Bolton Wanderers Banter » BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY

BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY

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1BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Sun Oct 19 2014, 16:35

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
It seems like an age since I last did one of these. Thanks Dougie.

For those of you new to the site, on the rare occasion we win a match I trawl through forums of the opposition to see what their reaction was to a defeat by Bolton. It's rarely pretty.

I think Trevor reckons we're shit:

Sir Trevor Francis wrote:This will be fucking easy, Bolton are shit. Shit team, shit fans, shit ground, shit paddy manager. Shit everything. We’ll fucking shit it.

CareBare is looking forward to League 1....

CareBare79 wrote:Bolton haven’t won a game this season have they? I know our home form is terrible but if we can’t beat this shower at St Andrews then we deserve to be in League 1.

King Kevin is talking about you Scott!

King Kevin wrote:just seen some Bolton fans walking to the ground fucking knuckle draggers the lot of em

ArseyAnya wasn't wrong:

ArseyAnya wrote:A week ago I’d have fancied 3 points with Dougie Freedman in charge of Bolton. But I fear Neil Lennon’s attitude will have a positive effect on Bolton and they will be too committed for us. Hope I’m wrong.

Desperate times call for desperate measures:

Jason8760 wrote:if we dont win dis one im gonna chop off mi nob and make the wife eat it

We've all been there. Your team is shit and the only way to get rid of the manager is to lose.

Clarky's Army98 wrote:fuck off Clark, why don’t the Birmingham board take a leaf out of boltons book and get rid of the tool in charge. I hope we get dicked.

I think something bad happened to Keith when he last visited Bolton.

KeithRodder wrote:I want to beat Bolton with every bone in my body. I hate everything about the shitty town. The people, the place, the fucking name even. COME ON YOU BLUES!!

Big Willy isn't wrong:

BigWilly69 wrote:These fuckers lost at home to Bournemouth, we should be putting 10 past the cunts

Jermaine's reputation precedes him:

The Watcher wrote:I hope Jermaine “I need 10 open goals to score once” Beckford is playing.

Tracy Hawkins is a slag.

LeeBlue1976 wrote:I’ve always hated Neil Lennon with a passion because he reminds me of Craig Patterson from secondary school. Craig Patterson was the biggest cockface I ever met, and he stole Tracy Hawkins from me when we were 14. I was gutted at the time, she used to let me touch her tits at lunchtime. It took me 5 years to get over being ditched for a ginger.

Lennon is an upgrade compared to Freedman & Coyle!

BrumBrum wrote:Bolton have got the manager they deserve, a fucking ginger wanker with no decent experience and fuck all brains. I hope they get relegated by January the fucking northern bastards.

So did I to be honest:

KatySpank wrote:I love Bolton, they rolled over on the last day last season to keep us up. I expect the same again today.

The word you are looking for JimJam is "ponces".

JimJam67 wrote:I really hate the way the media portrays Bolton as having spirit and guts when in reality they are the most spineless team in the championship

4-4-2 is old fashioned, didn't you know Lenny?

LaidBackLarry wrote:Bolton playing one upfront. Boring bastards.

Before the game a bore-draw would have been progress!

Legend9000 wrote:Beckford on his own up top, Bolton coming for a bore-draw.

The game kicks off and the locals are confident:

We’re all over these twats, only a matter of time.
Lonergan keeping Bolton in it. Are we turning a corner?
KILL KILL KILL KILL
This is good stuff for a change, we’re walking through their midfield.
suck my small cock Lennon
Gonna win this 4-0
Lennon is a cunt!
Need to score while we’re on top or the inevitable will happen – we go a goal behind

The inevitable does happen and Matt Mills puts Bolton in front. The Birmingham internet goes into meltdown:

FUCK OFF!!!
Fucking predictable Clark you twat
Fuck you Clark
Fuck Clark’s parents for creating this twat
Someone needs to get rid of Clark before he relegates us. I’m willing to pay big money.
CUNTS!
Oh for fuck’s sake Clark you tit, fucking resign you clown
Clark must go. He just has to.
Clark fuck off. Out of his depth.
I’m currently making some concrete boots for Lee Clark

It's better than playing table tennis Dave:

Dave Kimble wrote:Once again we fail to mark the big giant defender from a corner. What the fuck do Clark and his coaching team do through the week, watch fucking Jeremy Kyle all day?

Is this Magoo's brother?

NelsonColumn wrote:My wife is withholding sex until we next win a home game. I have to face facts, I will be celibate for the rest of my life. Even the dog looked quite sexy last night.

Jane is confident:

JaneBCFC wrote:One down as usual, but Bolton have the worst defence in the league, we can still win this comfortably.

GoggleFox isn't.

GoggleFox wrote:Game over. We won’t score.

I bet Breadman already has his Birmingham A-Z out:

Zigic's Stepladder wrote:Feel sorry for the guys in the ground, they’d have been better spending the money on a blow job down Tilton Road. The ladies down there are far more professional than this shite.

Dougie never did it, so why should Clark?

Clarkhater wrote:We are going down, can’t see any other outcome when we can’t even beat bottom of the league. Clark needs to man up and fuck off.

As if Bolton could spank anyone!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Bolton on top now, could be a spanking. Koby Arthur is having a stormer, shame bloody Lonergan is on top form.

Boltonbonce's Birmingham cousin pops up:

Sex Addict Andrew wrote:Come on you blues, just one before half-time and I promise not to spend the evening masturbating to pictures of dwarves and donkeys.

The half-time whistle goes and the Birmingham locals aren't quite so confident:

Fucking shit.
fuking awful
Fuck off Clark, resign you ballbag
disgraceful, my dead granny could organise them better
anyone know where I can buy a gun?
Lee Clark supports the Villa
Hopefully Clark is penning his resignation letter right now.

It looks like Clark got ClarkMustGoNow to ghost write his resignation letter:

ClarkMustGoNow wrote:Mr Carson Yeung
c/o Someone’s Bitch
Stanley Prison
Hong Kong

Dear Owner

I am a right twat with the tactical awareness of a dead mongoose.

I resign.

Cheers!

Lee Clark (knob)

Disturbing.

LonelyPlaceMan wrote:I'm home alone again. We're 1-0 down again. I'd kill my wife if she wasn't already under the patio. There is still space for Lee Clark under there. You have 45 minutes to prevent another episode of Brookside.

Into the second half now and Lonergan makes a world class save to tip the ball onto the crossbar.

How the fuck did he save that?
best save you will see all season
I bet this is his one good game of the season
Lonergan was magnificent there. It's not our day.
what a lucky twat

Phil has a premonition:

Phil The Egg Sucker wrote:We're getting on top but you just know Bolton will hit us on the break.

Phil is proven right as Craig Davies is brought down by Birmingham keeper Randolph and sent off.

what da fuk was caddis doing there
Caddis made that fat twat Davies look like Usain Bolt
caddis you fuck face
I just don't believe it, 10 grand a week to fall over like a cunt
ive run quicker with a dump hanging from my cheeks
someone send Lee Clark to Syria

But Craig Davies blazes the ball over the bar.

Ha ha ha, what a cunt
Fat fuck
come on you blues we can still do this
worst. penalty. ever.
Is Davies on our payroll?
Bolton Fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lennon you cocky cock, how do you like that?
someone in row z just got woken up

But Birmingham can't take advantage of the penalty miss and Bolton hang on to take the 3 points. Lee Clark gets the Dougie treatment:

clark out!
Clark has to go
Resign you tool
Resign or die, I don't care which
I hope your toilet blocks tonight
Walk out the door Clark and keep walking until you hit the sea
I'm shagging your missus right now Clark, screwing her like you screwed us
CUNT!
Beyond a joke now, do the board want to play Fleetwood?
Fuck you Clark, if I see your smarmy face one more time I'm going to kill my TV
We need to shout louder for Clark to go, we're too meek in these situations
Bring back Karen Brady, in fact right now I'd take a fucking Apprentice candidate!

A reasoned post for once:

Tiger Tim wrote:Terrible performance. Bolton simply wanted it more than we did. I have no doubt they will be pushing for the play-offs come May and we'll be down there with Blackpool staring into the abyss.

A not so reasoned post:

WayneBRFC wrote:Clark you cunt, just fuck off and die. Leave this once great club before you put us into League 1, or worse, out of business. Crap players, crap tactics, crap commitment, crap everything. How has he been allowed to keep his job so long? We stayed up luckily at Bolton last season so everyone conveniently forgot the previous 37 shite games, it's like we'd won the fucking league, not stayed in it by the skin of our teeth. Get rid now or we are doomed. And we won't be coming back.

Jobsworth isn't going to accept the result:

Jobsworth wrote:we were unlucky, that was never a penalty and Mills pushed Caddis when he scored. I'm writing to UEFA about this miscarriage of justice.

Looks like Lee Clark has managed his last game:

LonelyPlaceMan wrote:I have dug a hole for you Lee, please arrive at my house no later than 6.15pm as it gets dark pretty quickly. Do you want to go in the ground dead or alive? Or should I just surprise you? Anyway, for your shit results over the last few years I am condemning you to eternity with my dead wife. Enjoy!

Hipster_Nebula

Hipster_Nebula
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I haven't read this yet, but I'm predicting a lot of death threats.

NickFazer

NickFazer
El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf
It has been a while. Pure quality Nat.

Norpig

Norpig
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
i've missed reading these Nat, hopefully now we may get the chance to see a few more this season.

bryan458

bryan458
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Brilliant, ha ha!!!!

BoltonTillIDie

BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Awesome! Smile

Fave was: 

LonelyPlaceMan wrote:I'm home alone again. We're 1-0 down again. I'd kill my wife if she wasn't already under the patio. There is still space for Lee Clark under there. You have 45 minutes to prevent another episode of Brookside.

observer


Andy Walker
Andy Walker
With Dougie gone, Nat may have to work for a living.  Brilliant!  Thanks.

okocha

okocha
Andy Walker
Andy Walker
Great work, Natasha. Thanks for making me laugh.

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Classic comedy..as always.

10BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Sun Oct 19 2014, 20:14

aaron_bwfc

aaron_bwfc
Moderator
Moderator
I loved this one, simple but effective.

''someone in row z just got woken up'' Very Happy

11BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Sun Oct 19 2014, 22:35

Vendor

Vendor
Mario Jardel
Mario Jardel
Quality post

Well done

12BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Mon Oct 20 2014, 00:46

Hip Priest

Hip Priest
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Brilliant stuff Nat. I'd forgotten just how much I enjoy your trips behind enemy lines when we win thanks to that twat Doogie.

13BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Mon Oct 20 2014, 02:23

luckyPeterpiper

luckyPeterpiper
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Oh God, busting a gut laughing at this.  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Nat, it really has been way too long since we had one of these and it's brilliant to see it again, especially after a fifteen hour shift at work. Top stuff, thank you very much.  :number1: :party: :uk: :COYW: :toppoints: ::bwfcfan::

14BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Mon Oct 20 2014, 09:14

wanderlust


Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Blimey - this was becoming a dim and distant memory.

15BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Mon Oct 20 2014, 12:01

rammywhite

rammywhite
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Nat, Despite your wonky tits- this was brilliant. Keep it up chuck!

16BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Fri Oct 24 2014, 18:19

CEF

CEF
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
Absolute class Nat. I'd ask you to marry me if you didn't have a dick !! Smile

17BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY  Empty Re: BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BIRMINGHAM CITY on Wed Oct 29 2014, 16:59

wanderlust


Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Is Nat on holiday or do Brentford not have any fans?

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