Smelly Bastard

Just recently I've given up my place in the posh seats to sit with my father in the North Stand Lower, with the plebs. I even had to pay against fooking Burton and Cardiff. The shame.

Anyway, there's a right smelly bastard sitting next to me (not my Dad). Not the smell of someone who hasn't showered that day, more like the smell of someone who has spent a month living in KP's y-fronts. Absolutely disgusting.

As you know, I'm not one to hurt someone's feelings, so while he was staring at my ample bussom, I tactfully told him he was a disgustingly smelly individual who should be ashamed of his odour. So much for tact, because he told me to fuck off and then continued watering the weeds that were growing out of his crotch.

I've written a strong letter to Ken saying they shouldn't let smelly bastards into the ground, but that was over a week ago and no reply. He's probably out hunting for the missing 7000 fans.

So what do I do? My nostrils can't take another 90 minutes of that smell. I'm asking for your advice on Nuts because I suspect most of you are smelly bastards so you'll know the best way to approach this.

Thanks in advance.

Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash 

Put a magic tree around his neck

Norpig wrote:Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash 

If being called a smelly twat didn't encourage him to have a shower, a can of deodorant won't make him blink.

I was thinking of a more permanent solution. I could get there early against Hull, rip up his seat and throw it at Pratley. Two birds, one stone.

BoltonTillIDie wrote:Put a magic tree around his neck

This is not a make believe thread. I don't have a stash of magic trees on my roof garden. No fairies either (unless Breadman is stalking me again).

I'm sure this would suit. It kills two birds with one stone,in that it keeps out the smell,AND improves your looks. No brainer.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Norpig wrote:Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash 

If being called a smelly twat didn't encourage him to have a shower, a can of deodorant won't make him blink.

I was thinking of a more permanent solution. I could get there early against Hull, rip up his seat and throw it at Pratley. Two birds, one stone.

But others might not hear you telling him (unlikely i know, i bet you have a voice like Foghorn Leghorn) but publicly spraying him might do the trick. 
Either that or tell a steward he tried to touch you up and they'll throw him out and ban him.

Good idea Mr Pig. Anyone who tried to touch her up would be sectioned.

Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

MartinBWFC wrote:Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

I don't sit in the pleb end alone, and my Dad won't move.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

MartinBWFC wrote:Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

I don't sit in the pleb end alone, and my Dad won't move.

You won't take friendly advice, then you'll have to continue to abuse your nostrils.

But if Vicks under your nose on your moustache and ypull be reet

y2johnny wrote:But if Vicks under your nose on your moustache and ypull be reet

You gobshite, I've had electrolysis.

Take a can of petrol ,pour it over him and set him on fire. You might get ejected by the stewards for a couple of games but you can easily sneak back into your box. That would solve the problem permanently.

I wouldn't like to get on your wrong side Rammy 

Norpig wrote:I wouldn't like to get on your wrong side Rammy 

I wouldn't personally do it but I know that Nat's game for most things- so it was only a suggestion if all else fails.
I would just move seats as every section of the ground is half empty at the minute

North stand Lower ?? you were asking for it, the nearer the front you get the more village idiot they become !!!!!