Joke Thread

Poor Bob Holness, only been at the pearly gates five minutes when Amy Winehouse stumbles over and asks, ' Can I have an E, please Bob ?'

The new film about Margaret thatcher has been rated 12A. Unsuitable for miners.

It's rumoured that Liverpool are in the market for a right winger. I hope it's not Nick Griffin, they are in enough trouble as it is.

Haha, oh how I have missed your jokes RT!

Last night I met a girl who cleans her downstairs privates with floor detergent.....................Flash cnut!

Irish guy in court for domestic violence for the 3rd time.

Judge asks "Paddy" (for that was indeed his name) "How come you always beat your wife?"

Paddy replies " Well your honour. I clearly have a height and reach advantage, but I mainly put it down to my superior footwork."

Bloke shits in a lift.



It was just wrong on every level.

When I heard that stephen hawking had reached seventy I thought, bugger me, that is one powerful wheelchair!

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and said, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit, pleased that bear seemed quite pleasant and polite, replied "Why, no - I don't have a problem with shit sticking to my fur!"

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

My brother Dave has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers disease. I hope it doesn't run in the family because my brother Dave has got it as well.

When the Captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going, he replied, " Off course "

Bolton Wanderers.

Bolton Hater wrote:Bolton Wanderers.

Joke of the month!

Bolton Hater



Laughed so much that I almost split my sides.



Joke that came second - Steve Kean with no back up plan and no number 2 to blame!

Paddy and Murphy were aboard the cruise ship, Costa Concordia. Paddy says, " It's awfully quiet tonight." Murphy replies, " Everyone will be watching the band." Paddy says, " There isn't a band playing tonight." Murphy says, " There is. I definitely heard loads of people shouting a band on ship."

I phoned my boss and told him I wouldn't be in work on Monday. He said, ' Your'e a man for christs sake.' I replied , " Correct, and you are a cunt."

Two overweight regulars are sitting in the pub.

'Your round' said one, to which the other replied,
'You can talk you fat cunt!'

A man walks into a pub with a lump of tarmac under his arm.

'A pint please, landlord' he says. 'And one for the road'.

A boy was shagging a girl with OCD and she told him she was obsessed with doing everything alphabetically! 1st she wanted Anal, then she gave him a Blowjob, then he played with her Clit. Then, he took her Deep. He got up got dressed. She shouted oi wot about E? He said i've done E love - Ejaculated, and now i'm doing F, G & H Fucking Going Home!!!

Paul Robinson.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Very true is that.