I've just caught my neighbour fly-tipping....

.....in Worsley Woods.

I was walking the dog, minding my own business, when I spotted a shadowy figure fannying about behind a tree with a couple of bin bags in his hands.

Turns out it was a bloke who lives near us, trying to dump some rubbish.

He didn't see me and I was so shocked, I did the English thing and walked off, pretending it hadn't happened.

But the more I think about it, the more I want to do something about it.

I've never really spoken to him but he's a United fan who does something in IT for Barclays, as far as I'm aware. 

And his wife looks like a shrew and his kids are fat ugly bastards.

So, collected great minds and fellow Trotters, what should I do?

Phone the council and bubble him?

Collect the rubbish and dump it on his drive?

Or just confront him and hope he gets arsey, so I can crack him?

Cheers in advance.

I'd go with the latter, sounds like it's what you really want.

Phone the council and bubble him

...then hit him, right?

Hit him first, then phone the Council, sorted

Shit on his lawn

Mr Magoo wrote:Phone the council and bubble him

Definitely. He's a ManU fan and works for a bank. What more reason do you need?

Is that the same woods in Worsley that's famous for dogging?

Dogging in Worsley? Must be near the Cock hotel.

I'm not really into violence, apart from watching lots of hooligan fighting videos on youtube, but seeing as though your neighbour is a Man U fan, I would probably go around and petrol bomb his house.  

Write him an unsigned blood stained sinister note and post it through his letterbox.


To the Dead Man Walking

I know what you did in the woods.

I shall be watching you, always.

Right, so let's get this straight.......

Twat him, phone the council, shit on his lawn, nip out for a spot of dogging, fire-bomb his house, send him a letter and then observe his every move 'til he dies...?

Got it.

Cheers lads.

Oh and you have to Bum him.

A few years ago, some twat dumped a couple of bin bags near my house, which was on a developing biuilding site. I was unsure what to do, so opened one of the bags, and found some bank statements. Got his phone number, and rang him up, (it was his wife actually). I told her that if the bags hadn't been cleared by the morning I would be phoning the council. he had one opportunity to move them under darkness, which he took. The next day all rubbish and incriminating evidence was gone.

I would have picked up the entire pile of shite and deposited it on his doorstep as soon as the coast was clear. He would have got the message.

Kill him. Its the only solution.