Local Slags Part 2

I feel I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my lovelife. After kidnapping a hooker and marrying a ladyboy I feel it's the quiet life for me from now on. I'm tired of the last thing my girlfriend says to me being "here's your change" or "I'll just wipe my cock".

So like many of you single guys I've turned to the internet for my next attempt at love, and have joined a website called "Local Slags".

www.localslags.co.uk

The title is a good clue as to what you will find on the site, basically it's just a load of slags wanting to be shagged. And they don't charge. Or have cocks. You can have young slags, middle-aged slags, granny slags, married slags, fit slags, ugly slags, skinny slags and fat slags. You get the picture.

I wish I'd found this site 2 months ago, it would have saved me £10k and a very sore arse.

Anyway, I've spent the last week swapping messages with a variety of slags in the Manchester area. I've been realistic, some twenty year old fit slag with massive knockers and tight arse is not going to be interested in me, so I've stuck to the 35+ slags as they're bound to be more desperate and less picky.

Unfortunately the first three slags I had sex with (the ones I told you about last time) didn't want a repeat performance, I just don't understand women these days. Why are they so boring? My Marie would have done anything in bed for the right price, and I really don't understand this insistance on wearing a condom, where do they think I've been?

The good news is I joined the sister site to Local Slags, namely "Fat Slags" which can be found at www.fatslags.co.uk for anyone into this sort of thing. Anyway, I realised I'd been setting the bar too high with hookers, ladyboys and slags so in order to find love I needed to find the most desperate women out there. Is there anyone more desperate than a fat slag?

I exchanged messages with a bevy of fat slags and narrowed it down to three who I decided to meet up with. The first was Dawn, 49, from Salford:



Dawn loves animals, poetry by Eleanor Farjeon and being penetrated by two men at once. Ok, so she's not exactly Cheryl Cole, but don't be put off by that thinning hair and those thick glasses - in the bedroom she was amazing. I wasn't even put off by some random bloke turning up halfway through and giving her anal sex. Bit awkward when our knobs touched but that wasn't Dawn's fault.

Next up was Vera, 54, from Hyde:


Vera is into walking in the countryside with her Springer Spaniels, Andrew Gross novels, and giving blow jobs to strangers behind the recycling bins at Tesco. This was convenient as I was running low on milk and butter. To be honest I'm not sure there's a future to this relationship as I'm no longer a stranger, but I'm prepared to disguise myself to have another go, just check out the tits!

My third choice was Kerry, 46, from Great Lever in Bolton:


Kerry likes cakes, watching Jeremy Kyle and having sex outdoors. This was definitely a result for me as I've always wanted to do it out in the open. The problem with paying hookers is they don't like being driven to the local park and being made to bend over behind the cafe. No such problems with Kerry, she couldn't wait to get started. The mobility scooter did get in the way a bit but once I'd eased her out of it the fun really began. I managed to capture a couple of great pics:



So there you have it. Three top birds that all have a lot going for them. I'm leaning towards Kerry because her mobility scooter might get us into the disabled section at the Reebok, but Dawn is such a slut I might regret not choosing her. What do you think?

When Kerry said she was 46 she meant 46 stone. And Dawn from Salford meant 49 in the shade.

Reebok Trotter wrote:When Kerry said she was 46 she meant 46 stone. And Dawn from Salford meant 49 in the shade.

Don't mock the slags Reebok Trotter, they have feelings too.

The sad thing is that Kerry is one of the fitter Bolton women.

Quent wrote:
My third choice was Kerry, 46, from Great Lever in Bolton:


What do you think?

There's already a farming thread open, Quent.

largehat wrote:

There's already a farming thread open, Quent.

That cuts deep LargeHat, I always thought you supported my search for love.

Quent wrote:

largehat wrote:

There's already a farming thread open, Quent.

That cuts deep LargeHat, I always thought you supported my search for love.

I'm sorry. I do support your search for love, but I don't want want you to be eaten by a slavering monster. You've got to look at the bigger picture. Maybe you're like an adult, human version of Lassie, destined to walk the earth, spreading love from town to town, one slag at a time. Or put another way, why shag one particular bovine when there's a whole ranch at your disposal. Your three incher could be a conduit for love around the world. From small acorns do mighty oaks grow.

largehat wrote:

I'm sorry. I do support your search for love, but I don't want want you to be eaten by a slavering monster. You've got to look at the bigger picture. Maybe you're like an adult, human version of Lassie, destined to walk the earth, spreading love from town to town, one slag at a time. Or put another way, why shag one particular bovine when there's a whole ranch at your disposal. Your three incher could be a conduit for love around the world. From small acorns do mighty oaks grow.

I'm not getting any younger, it's time I settled down with a fat slag. Every Friday when I go to my Mum's for tea she asks me if I've found a slag yet. It's heartbreaking to keep telling her that the slags have dumped me. My Dad always says there's plenty more slags in the sea, but I know he's desperate to see me walk down the aisle with a slag.

Quent wrote:
I'm not getting any younger, it's time I settled down with a fat slag. Every Friday when I go to my Mum's for tea she asks me if I've found a slag yet. It's heartbreaking to keep telling her that the slags have dumped me. My Dad always says there's plenty more slags in the sea, but I know he's desperate to see me walk down the aisle with a slag.

It's a wonderful thing to have such supportive parents who want you to be happy and to find a lovely slag to build a home and a life with. I'm one hundred percent on board with that, no problem.

But people from an older generation often seem to have set ideas about the sort of lives their children should lead. Look at your Dad. Let me guess... he found a slag, married that slag, you were born, and they lived happily ever after. And that's great for them. But this is the 21st century and it's now completely socially acceptable to make lots of different slags happy in the way I described, moving from slag to slag.

Some of these fat slags are agricultural. You can't settle down with Kerry for lots of reasons, not only because she might tuck into one of your feet on a bank holiday when the chippy isn't frying. You said it yourself in a previous thread: fat slags are needy; that slag won't fit either through the turnstiles or on one seat at the Reebok; that slag will cost you a fortune in Lurpak; I bet she completely stinks.

Don't live for your parents - live for you and for slags everywhere, Quent: shag as many different slags as you can.

largehat wrote:
It's a wonderful thing to have such supportive parents who want you to be happy and to find a lovely slag to build a home and a life with. I'm one hundred percent on board with that, no problem.

But people from an older generation often seem to have set ideas about the sort of lives their children should lead. Look at your Dad. Let me guess... he found a slag, married that slag, you were born, and they lived happily ever after. And that's great for them. But this is the 21st century and it's now completely socially acceptable to make lots of different slags happy in the way I described, moving from slag to slag.

Some of these fat slags are agricultural. You can't settle down with Kerry for lots of reasons, not only because she might tuck into one of your feet on a bank holiday when the chippy isn't frying. You said it yourself in a previous thread: fat slags are needy; that slag won't fit either through the turnstiles or on one seat at the Reebok; that slag will cost you a fortune in Lurpak; I bet she completely stinks.

Don't live for your parents - live for you and for slags everywhere, Quent: shag as many different slags as you can.

LargeHat, that's just about the greatest single post I've ever read, brought a few tears to my eye I don't mind admitting.

And you're right, why limit myself to one fat slag when I can have them all. After all, who else is going to shag an old fat slag?

You have inspired me.

It's all about spreading the love, Quent. Love comes in many forms. Such as a motivational message on an internet forum, a faithful dog licking his master's nose, or a three inch knob bobbing in and out of an endless procession of dirty old slags.

Bless you son.

largehat wrote:It's all about spreading the love, Quent. Love comes in many forms. Such as a motivational message on an internet forum, a faithful dog licking his master's nose, or a three inch knob bobbing in and out of an endless procession of dirty old slags.

Bless you son.

Ok, I'm going to do Dawn one more time tonight for old times sake. I'll be thinking of your words as I'm pushing the other guy out of the way.

Quent wrote:
Ok, I'm going to do Dawn one more time tonight for old times sake. I'll be thinking of your words as I'm pushing the other guy out of the way.

May I beg your indulgence on a small matter relating to Dawn?

I am an admirer of the lovely T-shirt she is wearing in her picture, but only part of the slogan is visible.

Can you ask to see the t-shirt, and find out where "The remote belongs"?

Would you do this for me?

largehat wrote:

May I beg your indulgence on a small matter relating to Dawn?

I am an admirer of the lovely T-shirt she is wearing in her picture, but only part of the slogan is visible.

Can you ask to see the t-shirt, and find out where "The remote belongs"?

Would you do this for me?

Listen LargeHat, I appreciate your advice and guidance but I suspect you may have an ulterior motive - getting your hands on Dawn the fat slag. Get your own slag mate, I worked hard to get Dawn into the sack. Not every fat slag will do it bareback you know.

Quent wrote:
I suspect you may have an ulterior motive - getting your hands on Dawn the fat slag. Get your own slag mate

Steady on, I think you're a bit out of order. In fact, the statement "get your own slag" is oxymoronic. If it's a slag, then it's everyone's to have a go on.

You can't tell us you want to push some other hairy micropenis-wielding desperado out of the way, but your friends and confidantes can't have a go on it. Don't be jealous. You're supposed to be an emissary of love. Be mindful of the bigger picture.

largehat wrote:
Steady on, I think you're a bit out of order. In fact, the statement "get your own slag" is oxymoronic. If it's a slag, then it's everyone's to have a go on.

You can't tell us you want to push some other hairy micropenis-wielding desperado out of the way, but your friends and confidantes can't have a go on it. Don't be jealous. You're supposed to be an emissary of love. Be mindful of the bigger picture.

Please accept my apologies LargeHat, I don't know what came over me. I've been in and out of so many slags recently I don't know whether I'm coming or going (usually coming).

I think I might be growing too attached to these slags, I might start doing them from behind so I don't see their faces. Hard to grow attached to a hairy arse.

Quent wrote:

Please accept my apologies LargeHat, I don't know what came over me. I've been in and out of so many slags recently I don't know whether I'm coming or going (usually coming).

I think I might be growing too attached to these slags, I might start doing them from behind so I don't see their faces. Hard to grow attached to a hairy arse.

It is forgotten. I know how tough it is at the top. Perhaps in addition to turning the slags round you should invest in a ball-gag so you don't have to listen to the slags either. Some slags seem to think they have a right to an opinion on things.

Don't forget to ask about the t-shirt.

largehat wrote:

It is forgotten. I know how tough it is at the top. Perhaps in addition to turning the slags round you should invest in a ball-gag so you don't have to listen to the slags either. Some slags seem to think they have a right to an opinion on things.

Don't forget to ask about the t-shirt.

I went round to see Dawn for one last time earlier this week. Had a route round her knicker drawer, then hunted down the t-shirt you asked about Largehat - it reads "The remote belongs to me".

Had a great time, and was better prepared for another man joining us this time. When our knobs touched I just said "my mistake, won't happen again". Politeness always works best when sharing your slag with another man. You never know when you might see his hairy arse again.

The good news is I've taken your advice and am still playing the field. I have found a great new site called grannyslags.co.uk - I have my first date tonight. Details shortly.

Thanks for finding out about the t-shirt. It was niggling in the back of my mind. I am at peace.

There is seemingly an inexhaustible supply of websites for individuals looking to seek out and find new slags. To boldly go where every man has been before.

quent, i really don't want to see any pics from this granny slags site!