BEHIND ENEMY LINES - HULL CITY

For those of you new to the forum, on the rare occasion we win a game I have a read through the opposition's forums, Twitter and Facebook to see what they think of the game. Hull fans didn't disappoint.

WindupmyAss misreads his message from God:

Bolton are shit, we are on a roll. God told me 4-1 to City.

HullNo9 gets it wrong:

Bolton can’t score goals, 2:0 to Brucie’s Army

Boothferry_Bill thinks we love Eagles & SKD:

Fuck dem Bolton bastards, think der all dat with there eagles and kevin davies. Well piss it

DaisyDoMe rates us. But not Dougie.

Bolton have quality all the way through their team. Dawson, Spearing, Eagles, Sordell, Ngog, Mark, Kevin & Craig Davies are all good players but they don’t seem to be able to find a manager to make them click. I think we’ll take advantage and win 3-1.

SKD gets some love from KingstonKeith:

I hope that fat cunt Kevin Davies plays were bound to win

Depressed in Hull is Bolton Hater's cousin:

Went to Bolton once for a conference and ended up catching sifilis from some slut I met there. Ended up giving it to my wife, she repaid me by serving up divorce papers. I blame Bolton for everything that’s shit in my life. Wankers. 3-0 to us.

More words of encouragement for Hull:

Let’s fuckin do them up like kippers

Cum on city we are going up!!

I’m about to set off, it’s an evening kick off right?

Get an early goal and these twats will be all over their managers back

4-0. Bolton are wank.

3:0 – we are superior

6-0 Kevin Davies crying into his lard by 5pm.

But disaster strikes the Hull ranks and Darren Pratley puts Bolton in front.

Oh fuck off!!!!

Fucking wankers

1-0 down after a minute. Typical City.

Some fooking bag o bones just scored for them

Shit defence, cheating ref

Incontinent_Wind_ass has a problem:

I can’t believe it, I just shat myself.

This exchange amused me on a Hull forum. FayeMonster is 5 minutes behind the rest of the world:

FayeMonster: Easy 3 points, 3-0 City. Happy days.
DaveTheDog: Fuck 1-0 down
FayeMonster: We might even get 4
DaveTheDog: We’re 1-0 down you fanny
FayeMonster: Bolton are shit, they won't score
DaveTheDog: They’ve scored today you blind cunt
FayeMonster: What the fuck you talking about
DaveTheDog: Bolton have scored after 30 seconds
FayeMonster: Fuck

But Hull fans aren't giving up. Although DerekY2K doesn't seem to think Pratley's goal counts:

We’re still gonna piss this. We’ll get an early goal and go onto win 2-0.

LilyJane is still confident:

No problem, better to let one in early so we have 89 minutes to turn it around. Still think we’ll win.

abdoulayetheanimal can only see one winner:

Come on City, we’ve given them a goal start we’ll still roll em over

HenrysKitten doesn't know Steve Bruce very well:

Brucey knows what he’s doing, he's just teasing Bolton

I will remember this phrase from HullKingstonHeavy, it will come in useful:

Bolton are wankers that are wank

Some people are just born calm and collected, like HappyinHull:

Not concerned in the slightest. Pass me a cigar

But Mark Davies puts Bolton 2-0 up after only 5 minutes and the Hull natives are getting restless:

Ah for fucks sake!

Cunting cunts

what the fuck is happenin?

Crazy football, why do we always fuck up against the shit teams

KorenFromKorea is an angry man:

I didn’t just kick the cat, I fucked it up. Teach that cunt to look at me when we’re losing. Next the wife…

I think the term is "overpaid ponces" Hulls_Fancy:

I just don’t belive it, 5mins gone and 2 down already. I had this as a banker away win. Bolton are full of overpaid twats who will be in League 1 next season. Cant believe it.

DownMyHill is another Hull fan who holidays in Bolton every year:

I fuckin hate Bolton. They say Hull is a shithole but Bolton is worse. A fuckin dive that should be nuked. Losing to Bolton is like shagging a Bolton slag, embarrassing. Fuck off.

NewKitHater thinks we are the new Brazil:

This is incredible. Bolton have done nothing all season and now they look like world-beaters. Just our luck if today was the day they turned it on.

Incontinent_Wind_ass still has a problem:

I just shat myself again. I hope I have some more keks.

Fat_george should have known the minute he typed this Hull were doomed:

Don’t fret, theres still plenty of time to sort this one out. Get a goal before half-time and it’s game on.

And, of course, Dawson scores a third for Bolton in only the 8th minute. Hull fans go mad:

3-0 after 8mins. We are fucked.

FUCK OFF YOU LAZY CUNTS

Get back to Strictly Come Dancing Brucey you twat. Clueless fecker.

This could be 10-0 Bowton are on fire.

Are we made of butter? What is going on? Shit away tactics again.

I see dead people.

New signing George Boyd gets the blame from Will.I.Am.Not:

Is cross-eyed George in goal?

Incontinent_Wind_ass does it again:

I’ve now pissed myself. Mummy isn’t going to be pleased.

Depressed in Hull is still regretting his only trip to Bolton:

If only I'd never been to Bolton I'd still have a wife and a knob

The Hull Wanderlust:

I always felt Bolton were a good team, I can see them getting promoted under Freedman. Showing us how it’s done today.

Barmy_Barmby has his revenge planned:

I collect the rubbish bins from Elmohamady and Meylers houses. I’m not going to empty them this week, I’m going to do a fat dump in each one. Twats.

More abuse for, well, everyone:

Cunts. I now support Doncaster

Fuck Paddy McGuinness!

Have we ever let in three goals after 8 minutes? Shit bastards

Bruce out!

were getting beet by sheet

fuck off bolton freedman

Assem_Alan has watched Bolton before:

Fuck off back to United Bruce you stupid bastard. Everyone knows Bolton fans are wankers and get on there teams back after 10 minutes without a goal. You have played right into there hands.

Dangerous_Dave_Digby worries me:

I really think I am a serial killer in the making. After one minute I felt very angry. After 5 minutes I was shaking with rage. After 8 minutes I was sticking my wife’s head in the pizza oven. She got quite mad, but she doesn’t understand. I need a release when we play like this. 3-0 down to shitty Bolton. If it gets any worse I will kill someone. I will. It will be Bruceys fault. I will kill someone and blame him. I will. If we score I may let her out of the oven.

Half-time arrives and Hull fans still think they can get something, especially Jack108:

Glad to get to the break just three down. We seem to have had more possession without doing much. Awful defending but it’s just 45 minutes. We can still get a draw if we can sneak the next goal. Come on lads, do it for me!

MikeTravis finds religion:

Do it for Allah!

Melkon thinks we're a bit shit:

Bruce will get em going at half-time, expect a positive reaction. Confident we can still get something. Bolton are shit, really shit. Really, really shit.

Always confident FayeMonster is back:

4-3 Hull. We can do this. Or maybe 5-0 Bolton.

Hull do pull one back on 68 minutes. The Hull internet faithful go mental:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! FUCK THAT UP YER CHUFF BOLTON

I told you we could do this! That shut the Bolton wankers up. They know we’re gunning for em now.

We’re second in the league you Bolton bastards, did you really think we would let you have these three points? Fuck you!!!

Enjoy League 1 Bolton!

My cock just got bigger.

Bolton wankers think theyre still in the premier league

But just two minutes later Bolton score a fourth and Hull fans can't believe it:

4-1 we are shit

WANK SHIT CUNT FUCK

Fuck me sideways

Fuck Vernon Kay!

Oh fuck off you wankers, I'd rather spend an evening in bed with Stephen Fry than watch this shit

Fuck off Bolton your going nowhere but League 1. Shit club, shit team, shit fans, shit off.

Incontinent_Wind_ass has more problems than Steve Bruce:

I just did a dump and a wee at the same time. Is that even possible?

I feel Dangerous_Dave_Digby's wife might not see the end of this game:

I have just turned the heat up on the pizza oven

HonestBilly sums it up perfectly really, all managers should get the sack after one defeat:

We are fucking clueless. No doubt Bruce will moan about 5 games in 16 days but if you want to get promoted you have to win at places like Bolton, not get a trouncing. Bruce has never quite been good enough as a manager, we should fuck him off now.

The final whistle goes and the Hull fans suffering is over:

Full-time. I’m off to kill myself.

Fuck me, 4-1, never saw that coming.

Fuck off Bolton you wank monsters

We're still laughing at your shit team Bolton

Well still be 2 divs apart next season

Let little Bolton have their moment, fuck em

Bolton cunts

I hope Dougie Freedman gets hit by the Hull team bus

Fuck Johnny Ball!

A few hours later the Hull fans have calmed down a bit. Yossi says some nice things about us:

Just back from the game. We were torn apart, especially in the first half. If we’d gone in 6-0 down we couldn’t really have complained. Bolton were superb to be fair, they seemed to have flair players all over the pitch who could beat a man then pass it. They had some real pace upfront, the sort of pace we’ll need if we ever get in the Prem. Freedman is a top manager too, can see him at Everton or Villa inside 12 months.

Even more plaudits from Moloko_Who:

Bolton were too good for us, simple as that. They passed the ball around us at times, Mark Davies was outstanding. Sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and say you were outplayed and move on. No point crying over it, we’re still in a decent position. Well played Bolton.

JustinBerber isn't quite so complimentary:

Bolton woz fucking shit and we gifted dem da game. Ref was based towards Bolton gave us nowt and 1st goal offside.

The last word goes to the ramblings of Dangerous_Dave_Digby:

What a shit result. What a shit team. So shit. Slightly overcooked the wife but she tasted real good. Fuck Steve Bruce, he killed my wife

That was amazing.

Hahaha good stuff.

Fuck off you Hull wankers.

Fucking brilliant!

This is why I like nat

I enjoyed the "evening game" dude and the bloke with his own pizza oven.
Less impressed by the person who apparently stated that:
"I always felt Bolton were a good team, I can see them getting promoted under Freedman."
Clearly knows nothing as omitted the word "eventually".

Fucking hell Boothferry_Bill writes like a right tard, dat and dem, Oh and he put there instead of their. What a cunt.

Best designed and executed column on any blog anywhere. Congrats! P.S. Were there any leftovers of the wife?

Brilliant work Nat!

Ha, brilliant as usual Nat.

At least the guy got a half decent tasting wife out of the defeat.

Fantastic - Make me laugh out loud several times!

Brilliant stuff. I especially enjoyed the comment by Bolton Haters Hull cousin and the reference to the Hull Wanderlust!

Reebok Trotter wrote:Brilliant stuff. I especially enjoyed the comment by Bolton Haters Hull cousin and the reference to the Hull Wanderlust!

What you saying RT?
There were more Hull Natashas in that by the end of the game.
I do have to confess to the occasional comment requesting a little patience and faith in the manager and players from time to time, but I've never said we'd get promoted this season - even though I'd love it to happen.
Now if HW had said "it's a setback but we're rebuilding along the right lines within the constraints of a diminishing budget..." I'd have been bang to rights.
BTW - where is BH? Presumably hungover after a wild night of celebration. Or not.

Well done Nat. A lot of work in there, and it was brilliant, especially when shown as a timeline.

My philosophy is similar to yours. You need to learn to walk before you can run. I am happy to let Dougie have the reins and I am quietly confident that he is the man for the job.

I'll second that RT

:lol!:Good stuff. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Do you think they where upset? I had the unfortunate experience of working in Hull for a month, What a shit hole, Burnley folk may have 6 fingers but that lot had 7 plus webbed feet, plus the barstools did me for speeding.

Nat when we beat posh, you have to do one of these, they sound like a reet bunch of tards.

This was a really good read. Here's to several more BEL's before the season ends!

Wow, Hull forums obviously have even more numpties than Wolves forums. Didn't think anyone could out do that hillbilly mob.

Well done Tasha, a good read that.