Joke Thread

My doctor told me I’m suffering from hypochondria.
Hardly surprising as I’ve had everything else.

Just bought a Humpty Dumpty toy from Aldi. 
It’s brilliant - comes with Aldi King’s horses and Aldi King’s men.

Funniest newspaper headline I've seen in ages...



(also what an incredibly selfish woman she was...)

Jaysus! February since someone posted a joke on here!

OK then...

My neighbour confronted me about items missing from her washing line.
I nearly shit her pants.

Have to say I'm confused about this modern gender identity thing. I got a date with a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin...
...but I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday...




...I thank you...

I recently got divorced and agreed with the missus that we should split the house.

I got the outside.

Slackers!

Why does the Norwegian naval fleet have bar codes painted on the sides of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can....


Scandinavian

wanderlust wrote:Slackers!

Why does the Norwegian naval fleet have bar codes painted on the sides of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can....


Scandinavian

Sluffy, I was against banning Lusty, but this one has gone too far.

boltonbonce wrote:
Sluffy, I was against banning Lusty, but this one has gone too far.

It's my philosophy in life - show me a depth and I'll plumb it

That Norwegian joke is still rattling around my head like an errant Marble.
It's tantamount to walking in on Ann Widdecombe in the shower. Not something you'd choose to do, but, once done, would be impossible to expunge from the brain.
You're thinking about it, aren't you?
Aren't you?

I'm thinking Scandinavian.

I still have difficulty seeing an Aldi without thinking about Humpty Dumpty. I'm not well.