Gym Rage

I go to a compact, low budget gym which is nice as it doesn't attract many posers but the limited number of machines brings out the selfishness in people.

Here's a list of things that piss me off on a typical visit to my gym:

1. Gym monopoly - people marking machines as their own by placing property (i.e. towel, water bottle, etc.) on top of it, whilst using something else. I've let this go in the past, but I intend to be a complete arsehole about it to future offenders. I plan to approach it, chuck the possession on the floor and get on with it, even if I don't necessarily want to use that particular machine. I won't be told that I can't use equipment that nobody is using.

2. Time wasting little shits - it's a gym afterall, not a youth club. New groups of 15-17 year olds that just want a hang-out place come and go monthly.

3. Time wasters in general - people that virtually lounge on machinery, without a thought for anybody that might actually want to use it.

4. Treadmill walkers - Do I even need to explain?

Do you get gym rage? If so, share your gym pet hates here.

It doesn't really affect me. If ever I feel the need for exercise I just go and lie down until the feeling passes.

What really upset me was when I went into a steam room, and couldn't see the fit women until they passed me on the way out.

The only thing I was going to mention was people who are using a piece of equipment, then start sending a text or whatever, and meanwhile it's the only one of those in the gym.

Doffcocker, treadmill walkers, well I walk on the treadmill to warm up or warm down sometimes.

As do I largehat.

I meant people that do nothing else on there. I had to wait half an hour tonight for one mare using the best treadmill to virtually shuffle.

1. Lazy twats who park in the disabled spots just to be near the front door and then run 5 miles on the treadmill. Why?

2. Gym staff. Twats the lot of 'em.

3. Women who squeeze themselves into lycra three sizes too small for them.

4. Women who don't wear bras.

5. Men who wear tiny vests so the world can see their hairy backs.

6. People who sit on machines rather than use them.

7. People who go just to chat, and worse, try and chat to you.

8. Twats who don't mop up sweat they've left on a machine/mat/bench

9. Twats who insist on using mobile phones in the gym

10. People who come to the gym for 10 minutes then fuck off. What's the point?

11. Skinny men wearing vests. It doesn't make you look good.

12. People who play ipods so loud that you can hear what they're listening to.

13. People who take their shoes and socks off when using the mats. I don't want to lie where your sweaty feet have been.

14. People (usually men) who try and lift weights clearly too heavy for them.

15. Women who bring young babies into the gym and carry them around in a baby-carrier while they work out. Get a babysitter you arseholes.

I could go on....

I haven't worked out since I was banned from my local gym. It's full of the sort of wankers described by Natasha above, but this one particular kid really got on my tits. He was about 17/18 and skinnier than Jared Borgetti on hunger strike. Yet he kept wearing this basketball vest about 83 sizes too big for him and had a walk just like Liam Gallagher. He also had this habit of talking to his mates on his mobile in an extremely loud whiney voice.

Anyway, one day I'm in the corner of the gym where they have the mats for doing floor exercises. This wanker struts over and lies on one of the large fitness balls as if about to do stomach crunches on it. Instead he pulls out his mobile and starts talking to his (no doubt) equally annoying friend in a really loud voice even though it's quiet in the mat area.

Basically I lost my rag, and while he was nattering away lying on the ball I took a huge swing and twatted the ball from underneath him. It was the perfect strike, better than anything Ngog has ever done. The ball sailed to the other end of the gym, and the skinnyman collapsed on the floor and hit his head against the back wall.

I was asked to leave for good. It was worth it.

Bingo wings.

I only used the gym when i was at uni because it was only 50£ for the whole year, i would never pay the 30 odd quid a month to join one now.

never had any problems with people at uni.

Now people who brag and update how awesome their gym experiences are piss me off no end, especially on facebook.

they check into the gym daily, just so you know they go, then they'll update their status.

"good couple of hours at the gym!" yes we saw you check in you wanker, there's even people who will update what supplements and weights they've managed to "bench" that day.

"just benched **** back home now relaxing after a protein shake" utter wankers.

The protein shakers are annoying people.

The ones that go to my gym are the type that never move from the mirror where the dumbbells sit, chatting to one another about the latest powder they've discovered, that 'my mate were using and he went furkin massive, mate!'

In some ways I hope these drinks are found to be potentially harmful in the long-term.

Those protein shakes are crap. Apart from the fact they rot your teeth, they are full of shit. I've not seen any proof that they actually work to any great degree.

Some of this moaning is beyond reason, e.g. 'In some ways I hope these drinks are found to be potentially harmful in the long-term' Why?

gloswhite wrote:Some of this moaning is beyond reason, e.g. 'In some ways I hope these drinks are found to be potentially harmful in the long-term' Why?

I'm obviously exaggerating for comedy effect. I don't genuinely wish harm on protein drink users, even if it is annoying that they're so vain that they will go to these lengths to look good.

gloswhite wrote:Some of this moaning is beyond reason, e.g. 'In some ways I hope these drinks are found to be potentially harmful in the long-term' Why?

The only Protein Shake my missus ever gets is a hot beef injection once every Preston Guild and she is as fit as a flea.