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Bolton Nuts » BWFC » Wandering Minds » Joke Thread

Joke Thread

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okocha
wanderlust
terenceanne
sunlight
Natasha Whittam
Leeds_Trotter
y2johnny
Angry Dad
Fabians Right Peg
Spillthebeans
Sluffy
Biggie
BoltonTillIDie
Bread2.0
karlypants
scottjames30
DEANO82
gloswhite
MartinBWFC
whatsgoingon
xmiles
finlaymcdanger
Bwfc1958
boltonbonce
Reebok Trotter
29 posters

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81Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon Aug 20, 2018 3:10 pm

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin

Edinburgh Fringe best jokes - 2018

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day". - Adam Rowe.

"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse

"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel

"In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt

"What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan

"I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh

"Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse

"I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff

"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman

"I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696

82Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Aug 28, 2018 2:54 pm

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Joke Thread - Page 5 DljPduzW0AAhnAB

83Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:02 pm

xmiles

xmiles
Jay Jay Okocha
Jay Jay Okocha

MartinBWFC wrote:Joke Thread - Page 5 DljPduzW0AAhnAB

Laughing

84Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:40 pm

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.

"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she won't talk to me for a month!"

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says,

"Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, ..a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day!"

85Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:37 pm

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkina, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan,
a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner,a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran,a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean walk up to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "Sorry, you can't go in without a Thai."

86Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:39 pm

BoltonTillIDie

BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I bet people love being told that joke

87Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:41 pm

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

:facepalm:

88Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:45 pm

Biggie

Biggie
Admin

The quadriplegic society will be up in arms if they hear this joke.

http://boltonnuts.forumotion.co.uk

89Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:52 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Biggie wrote:The quadriplegic society will be up in arms if they hear this joke.

Not funny. Fuck off.

90Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Oct 30, 2018 5:32 pm

y2johnny


Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

I picked up a hitchhiker last night.  He was grateful but said how did I not know he was a serial killer?  So i said the chances of their being two in one car are astronomical.

91Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Oct 30, 2018 5:48 pm

xmiles

xmiles
Jay Jay Okocha
Jay Jay Okocha

Laughing

92Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Dec 02, 2018 12:38 pm

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

Just downloaded the Queen film Bohemian Rhapsody. Wasn't the best copy, it looked like it had been filmed in a cinema because I see a little silhouette of a man.

93Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:18 pm

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

A mate of mine has got his kids a trampoline and two bikes off the internet, I asked him which site he used, google earth he said

94Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:43 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I don't get it.

95Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:45 pm

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Natasha Whittam wrote:I don't get it.

Me too. :biggrin:

96Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:46 pm

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bloke meets his mate in the pub and comments on how chipper he was looking today. 
“You look really well mate - had a good day?”
“Amazing mate” he replies. “Best day in years”
“How come?” Asks his pal.

“Well, I was walking the dog down by the railway line and I found this gorgeous woman tied to the tracks, so I untied her.”

“What happened then mate?” Asks his buddy.

“We made passionate love at the side of the railway all afternoon and in every conceivable position. It was the best sex I’ve ever had, just incredible”

“Wow mate - no wonder you look in such a good mood. Did you get a blow job as well then?”

“Naw pal” he says. “Never did find the head”

97Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 15, 2019 12:54 pm

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Seeing as nobody seems to want to share anymore, here's an oldie..

It's Fred's anniversary and his missus says "tell you what - pick up your favourite food on your way home from work and I'll make us a lovely romantic dinner for two tonight"

"What, snails?" he says.
"yes darlin - get some snails on your way home and I'll be ready"

After work, Fred buys a bag of snails, and is on his way home when he runs into his mate George who asks him how it's going. 
"It's my anniversary mate, so the missus is going to cook us lovely romantic meal"

"Your anniversary? Well you've got to have a pint in the Dog and Duck with me to celebrate"
"I can't" says Fred - "I promised the missus"

"Go on - just the one" says George, and reluctantly, Fred agrees.

At half ten, Fred is at his front door, fumbling with his keys when the bottom drops out of the now soggy bag of snails and they all fall onto the doormat.
Just then the door swings open and his furious missus yells at him. 
"Where the f*** have you been? I've been waiting all night for you!"

Fred looks down at the snails on the doormat and says....




"Not far to go now lads..."

98Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 15, 2019 1:00 pm

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Razz

99Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat Feb 23, 2019 8:01 am

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

Today I went past the old house I used to live in. I asked the owners if I could look around for old times sake? They said ‘No”... parents can be so mean sometimes.

100Joke Thread - Page 5 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Mar 06, 2019 6:36 pm

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Joke Thread - Page 5 53285594_1358629320943901_5466394942806949888_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1

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